Friendships bring joy, support, and meaning to our lives. In Paris, building connections takes effort and openness – here’s how to make and keep friends in the city of light.
Friends are a treasure. In a world filled with uncertainties, friendships provide a comforting sense of stability and connection. But unlike family or work obligations, friendships are unique in that they’re entirely voluntary. We choose to keep our friends in our lives because we want to – not because we have to.
Yet, as freeing as that is, it’s also why friendships often slip through the cracks of our busy adult lives. Between work, family, and other responsibilities, making time for friends can feel like another task on an endless to-do list. Research from the University of Oxford even found that people in romantic relationships or with children had, on average, fewer close friendships. Without deliberate effort, we can unintentionally find ourselves losing friends faster than we gain them.
So, in a city as vibrant yet sometimes isolating as Paris, how do you create and maintain friendships? Here’s a guide from both a practical and psychological perspective.
Start with a Positive Mindset
Before diving into how to make friends, let’s address a common barrier: the fear of rejection. This fear can lead to two types of avoidance. First, there’s overt avoidance, where you simply avoid situations where you could meet people – opting to stay home rather than going to a social event, for example. Then there’s covert avoidance, where you go to events but stay in the background, too nervous to engage.
One way to counteract this fear is to adopt a positive assumption: that people will like you. Research shows this mindset can be self-fulfilling. In a series of studies, participants who were led to believe that their interaction partner liked them acted in ways that made them more likeable—they smiled more, shared more, and had a generally positive demeanor. Psychologists call this the “liking gap,” where people tend to underestimate how much others actually enjoy their company. So next time you’re in a group of new people, remind yourself: most people are friendlier than we realize, and they’re probably hoping to make connections too.
Make an Effort to Show Up Regularly
Consistency is key when it comes to forming friendships. One of the most powerful factors in liking someone is the “mere exposure effect,” a phenomenon where repeated exposure to someone increases our affinity for them. Psychologists at the University of Pittsburgh tested this by having strangers attend a class a certain number of times without interacting. Students rated those they saw more frequently as more likeable, even though they hadn’t actually spoken.
To put this into practice, try joining ongoing activities in Paris. Consider enrolling in a weekly language exchange at places like Café des Langues or attending regular meetups on platforms like Meetup, where people gather for various interests – from hiking to book clubs. A recurring activity not only gives you the chance to meet new people but also allows familiarity to develop naturally over time.
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Studies have found that people who are willing to open up about their vulnerabilities ending up developing closer relationships than those who hide their feelings...
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Join Community Spaces with Like-Minded People
Paris has countless organizations and community spaces where you can meet people with shared interests. The American Library in Paris is a wonderful resource, offering a variety of events such as author talks, book discussions, and cultural events. For more active socializing, Paris has numerous sports clubs and creative workshops, from drawing to cooking classes. Signing up for an activity that aligns with your interests is a great way to meet people you’re likely to connect with.
Volunteering is another excellent way to meet new people. Organizations like Serve the City or Les Restos du Cœur regularly seek volunteers and provide a friendly, community-focused environment. Volunteering not only allows you to connect with others but also creates a natural bonding experience as you work toward a common goal.
Assume the Role of the Initiator
Once you’ve started meeting people, the next step is to take the initiative to turn acquaintances into friends. Author Kat Vellos, in her book We Should Get Together, describes how she transformed her social life by actively initiating meetups and reaching out to people. She found that friendships grew stronger when she stopped waiting for others to make the first move.
Taking the initiative doesn’t mean grand gestures. Start small. Invite someone for coffee after a language exchange, or suggest meeting up at an event you’re both interested in. People who believe friendships “just happen” have been shown to be less likely to be socially active and feel lonelier than those who see friendships as something that requires effort. Taking the first step can feel vulnerable, but it’s a necessary part of forming genuine connections.
Be Vulnerable to Deepen Connections
Turning an acquaintance into a close friend requires a degree of openness. Friendships deepen through shared experiences and personal disclosures. You don’t need to reveal your deepest secrets, but opening up about a challenge at work or a funny story from your week can help build trust and rapport.
Research from the 1970s on college roommates showed that those who were more open about their vulnerabilities developed closer relationships. More recent studies have found that people who share more about themselves tend to form deeper connections. If you’re comfortable, let down your guard a little and ask others to share about themselves too. Vulnerability, when paced correctly, can transform a casual acquaintance into a real friend.
Embrace Repeated Interactions
Consistency and repetition are your allies when making friends in a new city. Once you’ve met someone you like, don’t hesitate to follow up. A simple message, like “It was great meeting you! Would you like to grab a coffee sometime?” can go a long way. Relationships often fade because we don’t put in the effort to maintain them. To strengthen a new connection, try to see the person at least a couple more times in the following weeks.
In cities like Paris, where people can be busy and schedules are tight, it’s essential to make the most of your time with new friends. Regularly showing up – whether it’s to a language class, a local sports club, or an art workshop – helps build the familiarity needed for friendships to flourish.
Friendship is one of the most fulfilling aspects of life, yet it’s one we often neglect amid adult responsibilities. Numerous studies have shown that strong social connections improve our mental health, and even our longevity.
Making friends in Paris may take time, patience, and courage, but the reward is a community that can make this beautiful city feel like home. Remember, each “bonjour” could be the start of a new chapter in your life. With a little effort and openness, you’ll soon find that Paris is not just a city for lovers – it’s a city for friends.
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